10 Way to Turn Your Date OFF Real Fast
Everyone is looking for that perfect someone.
When you’re looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right longer than expected, perhaps you are too picky, lacking confidence or have bad habits you aren’t even aware of.
We are all the same when it comes to what turns us off someone new. Things we tolerate once the relationship is established are very different to the first meeting.
Knowing What to Say
A real turn off is a man or woman who does not know when to take turns in a conversation. Don’t keep a one-sided conversation. Know when to stop talking or to speak up.
Mix the discussion around and don’t just talk about yourself, money, sport, children, former relationships, and family.
Silence is better than talking too much or over talking. Your date doesn’t need your life story on the first meeting.
Keep your conversations positive and up beat. Don’t complain about the food, the weather the venue, the traffic. No one wants to be with a grumpy old man or woman.
Never talk about the previous partner unless you are asked. And, then keep it brief. To keep talking about your past relationships may show you are not ready for a new relationship.
Your date will also turn away if you use them as a counselor or relationship advisor.
This is not a therapy session; it’s a new date. As you get to know each other, it’s ok to explore past relationships as long as everyone is ok. It is a way to get to explore your feelings and whether you could love the person.
This may seem straight forward, and it is. If you have been by yourself for a while, this is a good refresher when dating mature women.
- Ladies first
- No elbows on the table
- Cutlery down when you are speaking
- Close your mouth when you are chewing
- Don’t pick your nose or your teeth
- No burping or farting
This is not a night with the family, the girls or a night at the pub.
It doesn’t matter where your date is, how much money you have, your job or work status. Whether you are having lobster and champagne for your date or a burger and chips. Early date nights are unique, and your manners for both men and women need to reflect this.
Turn your phone off and put it out of sight. Any distractions can seem that you are bored and this will be a dating deal breaker.
How do you feel when younger people are at the table with their phones? Maybe not speaking, texting is equally rude. If you text or take a call during a first date, it shows they are not important to you. This is a major turn off, so turn the phone off.
Making comments about cultural differences, sexual preferences, people with a disability or what others are wearing is very risky. Not only does it show you are intolerant, but it’s also rude. What if your date has a multi-racial family, their son or daughter is gay or has a disability. This date will be your last date for sure.
Planning the date is just as important as being together. What if you decide to go to a jazz club and they hate jazz? Or, a sporting event they are not that into? Try to understand differences and read their online dating profile carefully, take notes and refresh your memory just before the date. And, never get mixed up with dates. This will be a sure sign you are playing the field, and you may come across as being opportunistic and insincere.
How You Look
It isn’t surprising, mature men and women on the dating scene know that the perfect physical appearance is not realistic. Dress to suit you, your body type and age. For women, if a man is looking for a dolly bird, they would not have chosen you from the online dating site.
Men are not expecting a size 6, short dress with high heels. Being yourself is an important message to know, embrace and understand.
For men and women, leave the gym pants and shoes at home. Always be freshly laundered even if you have not worn them for a while.
There is nothing worse than a whiff of old clothes. If you smell they will wonder what your house if like. You won’t even get to their home as you will not be invited. Have a shower with some delicious, fragrant soap, wash your hair and take a splash of perfume or spray. You’ll smell like you have taken care of your appearance.
It’s a deal breaker if you smell bad and are not nicely dressed.
Looking nice does not mean expensive clothes. It does mean casual, clean and neat. Sloppy means you don’t care. We have all shared an occasion with our long-term partner looking less than perfect, that will come as long as you start off well.
Facial hair is important. For women, make sure your mustache is not competing with the men. Get a good light, a mirror, some tweezers and have a plucking session. Perhaps a friend, son or daughter can help. Have a glass of something sweet together and have some fun.
For men, if you have a beard make sure it’s trimmed or have a good shave. For an evening date, a “5 o’clock shadow is not acceptable.
Clean your teeth immediately before your date. This won’t get you a kiss on the first date. If you don’t know your breath is awful, you might be considered for a kiss another time. If you stink, you won’t get close.
Spitting is another turn-off, it’s disgusting.
Writing an online dating profile that’s genuine and reflects the real you is the right way to go. Don’t lie just get someone interested in you. Choose a current photo, not one from 10 or twenty years ago.
Be honest with your behaviors. Are you a smoker or a drinker. A vegan, vegetarian or meat eater? If you smoke, ask permission to smoke; it’s just polite. And, don’t get drunk even a little tipsy to settle your nerves.
Be honest about your faith. Are you a believer or not. Are you a regular churchgoer?
Are you a family person, or have you become estranged.
Don’t talk about unresolved relationship issues.
Relationships aren’t perfect, and we all have regrets and feelings of “what if.” Having these problems is nothing to be ashamed of. It makes you the person you are. Learn from your mistakes and move on.
Going on a new date is time to put regrets away for a few hours even if it still hurts or you are deeply saddened.
If you can’t help yourself and need to keep talking about the past, find someone else who will listen. If you expect a new date to listen, it will become a deal breaker. Seek out a friend or a counselor for advice.
Your date will think you are not ready for them, a new relationship or to be fun. Even worse it shows you are stuck in the past or maybe still in love.
Don’t Be Controlling
An inequitable sharing of “power” is a frequent cause of disaffection in relationships for both men and women.
For a first and subsequent dates, don’t make all of the decisions. Even if you think to surprise your date or because you think they are too busy. Share the decisions, after all this is how you want the relationship to develop.
Sharing the decisions shows respect for the other person and that you value and consider their opinion. Even though it might only be whether you drink white wine or red, in years to come it might be where you live or how you decorate the house.
Needing to know everything about your new date, where they have been and what they have been doing is also controlling. Some may call it clingy. You are not in your teens, you may have family and all of you will have established friends, of both sexes.
It’s critical that you keep your friendship group. Afterall, these are the people who have supported you in the good and bad times. Just because you have a new date is no reason to forget your real friends and family. Keep your interests going, if you can share them as the friendship develops, that’s great otherwise having ” me” only time will make the relationship stronger.
Do what you say you will.
If you decide to meet at 6 pm, be there on time. You want to show you are reliable and mean what you say. If the relationship develops, the little things you say you show you are dependable and will be there for them.
Making excuses for being late or not turning up at all is a turn-off and not to be trusted.
Without trust, there can’t be a healthy relationship.
It’s not easy to date in today’s world; there are plenty of good men and women looking for that special someone. While these 10 Way To Turn Off Your Date Real Fast seem like common sense, it’s easy to forget these basic social rules.
If you have been on your own for a while, you may have become self-focused. Now is the time to think about the other person. Use this as a checklist, and you’ll be off to a great start in new friendships and love.